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mom advice

FAMILY FOREVA

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MY DRESS / SHOES

TJS SHIRT / SHOES

OAKS OUTFIT 

HALLES DRESS  / TYSONS SHIRT

All that matters is right here in these photos.  Family is everything!  

For those that don’t know, I’m a step mom of 2, and a mom of 1.  Halle is 15 and Tyson is 17.  Tyson currently lives with us. 

I just want to open the conversation of being a step mom.  Who else is a step mom out there?

They’ve never lived with us full time, so that’s why I haven’t ever felt like it was my place to give you “step mom advice”.   It’s never felt right to me to put it out there and give you the advice you’re looking for.  But lately, now that one lives with us full time, I feel like I can finally start talking about it more.  Another reason why I haven’t said much is because I’ve only been a step mom for 6 years.  Relationships take time to build and some things I like to keep to myself that I don’t want to share with everyone.

Becoming a step mom was challenging at first.  I’ve had many people in my life who are step parents that gave me the advice at the VERY beginning and said “Don’t ever try and be their mother.  Always be their friend.”  Which rang so true because I never wanted them to feel like I was trying to step in and be the parent.  I wanted them to get to know me on their time, so they would be comfortable about me being around their dad.

I was only 21.  They were 8 and 10, so from the get go I’ve always acted like their friend.   They have a mom, so they don’t need me to be their mom.  This is why I believe it’s always been very easy to handle.  They are very good kids and have amazing parents.  I love their mom.  Always be civil for the kids.  Don’t be bitter or jealous.  It’s not right for the kids involved.  It’s so important to all get along, and even get together for the kids when you can.  

The reason I feel more comfortable about talking about this is because my parents both got married in the last few years, so I now can see the place that Halle and Tyson were in.  Granted, I’m a lot older and moved out, but I can only imagine how younger kids feel when their parents get remarried and have to get used to someone else that isn’t their parent. 

Put yourself in their shoes, and try not to overstep your boundaries.  Relationships take time to build.  My advice would be to take time to get to know the kids.  Take them out to lunch or shopping, find out what activities they like and take them to do that, so you have time to bond with them on your own.   Be their friend and someone they can trust.  Telling them what to do, isn’t my thing– they have parents to do that.  If they live in your home, things are different and you’re aloud to tell them to follow your rules.  But like I said before, they’ve never lived with me until now.  Tyson who is 17 has lived with us for almost a year now.  I don’t tell him what to do, but I do expect him to do his chores and be respectful.  But would my outlook be a little different if they lived with us full time? Yes probably.  But this is my personal situation.

I had most of you ask me to write a post about this, and one thing that was asked a lot was, how do you make time for you and TJ?  That is easy for us because we don’t have them full time, but just like any relationship you need to take time to spend time with each other once a week. Designate a night that works for both of you, find a sitter and go out and be with each other, talk with each other, put your phones away and just be you two again.  

This is a subject that I feel I can talk about now.  I wasn’t comfortable speaking about it until now.  Some things are untold and should be kept private.  These are just MY personal feelings and advice.  Everyones situation is different, but I wanted to share mine with you and what I’ve taken away and learned from it.  You don’t have to take my advice.  I’m not telling anyone what to do, and I never am telling anyone what to do when I share posts.  I’m simply sharing my experience and tips.  You can read my advice and apply it, or not.  Completely up to you!  None of this is right or wrong.  Everyone’s family and their situation is different.  

But Oaks just loves them SO much.  It’s so much fun to watch them together!  He especially has really loved Tyson since he’s around more and babysits him.

With all this said, who has a similar situation? Are any of you step parents? Comment below!  Lets chat.

Have a good weekend!

xoxo,

SARA LYNN 

THE FIRST TWO YEARS OF MOTHERHOOD

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DSC_7326

MY TOP / SUNGLASSES 

OAKS HAT

What did I even get done today?  As I say to myself 80% of my days since becoming a new mother. The first year was like this a lot, the second year I’ve been able to do more, but the first two years of his life and becoming a mom, have been the biggest learning experience of balancing all things.

The thing is, as a new mom we aren’t going to get much done.  Thats just the reality of it. We won’t get anything done that can be crossed off our huge list of TO DO’S.  Laundry, dishes, errands etc.. 

But really all we do is respond patiently to hunger cues, cries, whines, teaching our baby how to navigate through this complex crazy emotional raw world we live in.  Thats all. 

Learning how to be a mom. 

Learning how to breastfeed.

Learning what cries mean.

Learning how to be a good wife after becoming a new mom.

Learning what patience really means.

Learning what true exhaustion really means.

Learning what to feed your baby.

Learning how to teach good behavior.

Learning how to sleep train.

LEARNING PATIENCE.

BUT THATS ALL WE DO. JUST BECOMING A MOTHER IS ALL. 🙂

We’re teaching this tiny little helpless person all about the world.  The most important parts of the world.  What it means to be loved, what it means to treat people nicely, what it means to be connected with your family.  Giving them they love they need to survive in this crazy world. But thats all.

Your baby is stretching and growing into this new body, and you’re too.  Your baby will grow and meet milestones, and you will feel so accomplished and proud to be this babies mom.  But to the untrained eye, most of this work, will look like nothing at the end of the day.  But we know better.   Give, give, give, and give some more.  There is no greater task than doing “nothing” all day, and tomorrow and the next day. 

Close your eyes and measure your day by laughs, sounds, smiles  and feelings.  Don’t measure it by tasks, or how “productive” you were.  Measure it by how often you got to hold your baby, see your baby smile for the first time, laugh or kick, or got excited to see you.  Those are the moments to cherish and hold close to your hearts.  You won’t remember the times you had a pile of laundry, unmade bed, or errands to run.  Those can wait.  These moments pass by and never return.  Soak them up.

You’ll never look back and think, “I wish I would’ve done the dishes instead of watching my baby giggle or just snuggle my baby” or “i should’ve put her down to make dinner earlier”.   

The love you feel for this tiny person, is so intense that you can’t even put it into words.  Soak in all the feelings and really live in the moment.  These past two years with my Oaks have gone by so fast.  Baby days are fleeting.  I soak up any chance I get to snuggle or hold him.  I don’t care if he’s almost 40lbs (I think) close to it haha.  I will hold him until I can’t anymore.  

The first two years are very much like this.  You will think what did I even get done today?  But always remember this and stop thinking that.  These are the hardest days of your life, but yet we feel this way.  All moms are amazing.  This part sort of gets unnoticed, but just remember you’re creating a foundation of love and trust , one that will help your parenting compass.  

I was so inspired by THIS ARTICLE on becoming a new mom, I had to share it with you!  Can’t take all the credit but I felt it was so important to spread this message since I know, most of you are new moms.  

Hope you loved this!  I shed a tear or two writing it.  Oh, the emotions of motherhood! 🙂

Have a great day!

xoxo,

SARA LYNN