My heart melts when I look at that sweet little face of his. I can’t believe he is mine! He is the sweetest baby, and has already changed so much.
Today, I want to talk about something that most woman don’t after they have a baby. I feel that it needs to get noticed and we should all talk about it and make it open that depression is a real thing after having a baby. I mean, we put our bodies through hell and back, and also had this sweet angel that we are now responsible for for the rest of time. On top of that your hormones are going MAD crazy after you push that baby out. It takes time for your hormones to balance out.
Having him was the scariest feeling, yet the most PERFECT overwhelming feeling of love. If that even makes sense. It is very hard to describe and put into words how joyful and emotional it was.
The days after this guy was born I was just in heaven, literally on cloud nine. Everything was just perfect and more than I ever imagined it would be like.
I had him on a Wednesday, and by Saturday I started to feel a little down, anxiety like crazy when he cried, worried about his health constantly even though he is the healthiest little guy, overwhelmed, and so exhausted. I didn’t get a lot of sleep in the hospital either, so it was definitely catching up to me.
When you think of bringing your newborn home as a first time mom, you think it’s going to be heaven and so much love and joy in the house, so I felt SO incredibly guilty for feeling the way I was feeling. I was ignoring it, and tried fighting back tears that I didn’t know why I was having them. I almost just felt embarrassed that I was having postpartum depression. I knew about it, but I never ever thought I would get it, or what it would be like if I did get it.
I had feelings of missing my old life and I missed my husband like crazy even though he was right there with me, and there for me. I was so in love with my little guy and so sad the day he was born was over. I would go in my room and just literally ball. I felt so alone… it was insane. What did I get myself into? How can I do this? How am I going to know what he needs? Why is he crying? I love him so much that what if something happened, how could I handle it? What if he’s sick? This is so hard, how am I going to get through this, what if this what if that. Now, this DOES NOT mean you regret anything, and I was feeling so guilty for feeling these feelings. I am not kidding when I say I cried almost every hour of every day for a straight two weeks.
After a few days of it I finally broke down and told my husband what was going on, and it made me feel a little better. My mom was staying with me, and I finally told her as well. I told my sister and some friends who had kids before and went through the same thing. I was planning on not talking about it and just wanted it to pass, but that is a bad idea. It made it so much better the more and more I talked about it.
It lasted for about 2 weeks, I had finally stopped crying at that point. It just slowly went away and now I am finally started to feel like my old self. I never thought that feeling would go away. It scared me so bad. BUT it does go away and you can get through it! Each day has gotten better and better. The days are becoming so much fun with him and I just love every minute of it.
I’m not sharing this for anyone to feel bad for me! I am sharing this because I want to bring awareness to it, and Inspire those who might be going through that they can too, and what you are feeling is normal, and doesn’t mean you are a bad mom.
The days DO get better, so just hang in there, and snuggle your sweet babe. Every time I looked at him it would just help me get through each day.
Also, another thing is get out! Go on walks, or take a drive. If you are like me, I won’t take him anywhere in public (hello, flu season!) no way. Get a babysitter for an hour and just go mess around and have you time! I went to target for an hour and had no reason to be there but just get out, and it was the best thing ever. It is so weird going out after you have been in for so long. I felt like I didn’t know how to function in society haha.
You know those people that talk to random strangers about weird things, that was probably me in Target haha, no jk but you need some adult time.. I probably talk TJ’s ear off when he gets home from work. Who can blame me though?
Anyways, I love my little guy so much and my life has changed tremendously, but in the best way possible! My heart feels different and more empathetic, and just the way I look at life is so different. I love it!
Hope you guys have a good day, and thanks for reading!
Photos by: Heather Telford